The Episcopal Counseling Center

Volume I; Issue 2; Feb.2008

 AVOID, CONFRONT, ACCOMMODATE

Sharon F. Jones, Ph.D., LMHC

When someone we love dies, we often respond in a fairly predictable manner. We may cry or spend a great deal of time thinking about the person. We may talk a great deal about the person and how meaningful their life was to us. We will probably grieve for a period of time and that grief is tempered as we incorporate the death into our life. It is not that we "get over it" but we learn to live with a life that is now different without that person being a living part of it. The grief described is simple grief.

Therese Rando, a noted thanatologist and author, has described three phases of grief and mourning. During the avoidance phases, one recognizes the loss and begins to acknowledge the reality of it. When one progresses to the confrontation phases, there is a reaction to the separation in which the pain of loss is experienced, one recalls the deceased and begins to relinquish attachment to them. In the final accommodations phase, one begins to readjust and adapt moving towards a new relationship with the deceased. It is at this time that the mourner begins to reinvest in a life without the deceased.

However, grief can become complicated. According to Dr. Rando, complications arise when any of these phases or processes are interrupted or distorted.

 MEET OUR LAKELAND STUDENT INTERN

Keith obtained his Bachelor of Arts degree from Trevecca Nazarene University in Nashville, TN in 1967 and his Doctor of Medicine from the University of Florida in 1971. Retiring this year, for the past 36 years he has worked as an Anesthesiologist mostly in Central Florida where he headed up the obstetrical anesthesia unit at Lakeland Regional Medical Center. He hopes to complete an external Master's degree in Mental Health Counseling from Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA next year Keith served in the Army in Germany from 1974-77 and trained Nurse Anesthetist in Swaziland Africa in 1977-78 and 1981-82. His first wife of 32 years died 5 years ago from cancer. He has 5 children and grandchild. He is celebrating his third anniversary of marriage to Pauline who is from Hong Cong. Keith and Pauline are an E-Harmony success story. Keith enjoys visiting his children, singing, playing trombone, gardening and swimming and has two cats. He is interested in the following areas of counseling: medical issues, health and wellness, pre-marital counseling, bereavement, spiritual, financial, men's issues, substance abuse, and working with parents of gay/ lesbian children.